off to private mode

the clock keeps ticking and it shows that 12 o'clock. midnight where everyone should sleep by this time but i guess i am still pretending to be an eagle eyes, energetically as almost to insomnia for a day. recently, i sleep late at night in the sense that i want to do my online shopping but the truth is i'm clueless with the virtue online. ( im actually having my self-monolog with what i wanted to buy)

when suddenly, out of my own expectation, i accidently clicking a button of someone's blog and keep on reading.Another someone's blog..here it goes, another someone's blog....which finally i, myself, hardly recognised at first and as in forever where it reflects me as " blogger..i mean an active blogger before" but in the end, i lost somewhere and the laziness hypnotized me with other instrument of life that relates to my hectic, and forgettable social network that i had left it anciently for a few months. looking back at my rusty blog, waited to be destroy, moved me to just ignore it at first but my second thought wakes me up and moved me one more time to write something...

so, here i am....expressing my feeling cluelessly...hmmm....i should be more agree that time passes by,and  i choose to be seated in a private mode rather than expressing my feeling and my life boundedness.although ,sharing is caring but too much of sharing careened me out of control...

before that..here are my pictures as i promised before!

with a great courage..i dare to stand the mountain breeze by wearing a red dress to the peak of

MT. KINABALU!!

My recent craved…

Time keeps on ticking ..tic tok tic tok which make me feel overjoy and over- excited with no reason. Perhaps, I am literally insane with my upcoming events that I, myself can’t even wait and hardly sleep before counting every moment for the future. I do realize that there’s an idiom says that don’t worry for tomorrow as tomorrow will care for itself. But, emotionally speaking…I am so into the enthusiasm almost with everything with my life at this moment….

I keep on craving with the makeup thingy which is “ urban decay “ naked 2…it is totally sizzling hottylicious to own it. But the problem is, it is limited and it takes first come,first served to keep fighting to get it. Damn!!! And now I still can’t forget about the “ naked 2” as I keep on dreaming to own it as soon as possible….i do ask one of my friend who will be going to united states to take a look on the makeup mentioned. Perhaps, I manage to get it cheaper from the original inventor ( USA)…hopefully I manage to get it sooner!! Crossing my fingers!!OR ELSE…if let say I cannot try my patience to wait longer….i better buy it from Malaysia….damm!!!totally craved!!!!

here i come....wait for meeeeeeeee.....

Another craved that I am whole heartedly would like to mention is about my upcoming event which is climbing the Mount Kinabalu….!!!i had done my close scrutiny all about the Mount. Kinabalu including full equipments that I had prepared a month earlier…doesn’t it shows how excited I am!!???i am so excited everyday on what to bring..what to wear and and almost pack everything inside my climbing bag until someone gets sick with my enthusiastic attitude. But the big problem that I keep on monolog with myself ....have I actually physically prepare for the climb???hmmmm…..i hope I manage to climb to the top of the mountain…AMEN.!

I ENVY~I DESIRE

Perhaps, you can called me mean girl or covetous of other people. Well, as a woman who is very ambitious, I do have the feeling of envy and eagerly to be better than what I suppose to be before. I always make sure that my life is always better than the previous years. I always want to be perfect in every angle but, the fact is, nobody perfect..even God’s intervention can’t help me either.

Or should I just say that instead of being thankful. It turns to be thankless???Perhaps, I am thankful with what I have but deep down from the bottom of my heart, I do have a little silent dissatisfied from my very small voices. It seems that I keep on complaining all the time as in voiceless ( inner dissatisfaction but now it turns into writing) rather than be thankful… I keep on complaining about:

i) my facial feature since I have a round face that always makes me look chubbier…it seems that round face is the hardest facial feature for me..i always look chubbier and big cheek. .i hate my facial skin as I always have pimples on my face even it isn’t too bad but still it’s out of my own self-satisfaction. I envy those who don’t have to spend a lot of money and trying so hard on cosmetic products…I hate when people keep on talking about facial skin and compare with their smooth facial skin…it’s really a sensitive issue for me…( like “ duhhhh” I know you don’t have skin problems and be damn thankful if it’s actually from your genetic inheritance!) but the fact is, nobody knows what I had gone through ! all they know..”keep on comparing me with them” like bitch bitches! ( oppsie…sorry harshy)
ii) I keep on complaining about my body part.. I have small butt…duhh….nevermind at least I have big boobs..ahhah..but yet…how I wish if I have a big sexy butt.. like Kim Kardishan, or perhaps, Jenny on the block, Jennifer Lopez… hmmm….unluckily I wasn’t born with it…perhaps..i was born with these boobies of mine…wink!proud with that..i’n not saying it is superbly big but ….moderate… much better than “small” category…
iii) Hmm… how I wish I was born with a thick hair…mine is fine hair…hmmm….it ‘s difficult to own a fine hair as you can’t try every hair fashion….fine hair only suitable for certain hair fashion…hmmm….
iv) I envy those who don’t have to spend even a single penny on plane…everything is F.O.C…they only need to prepare with their pocket money..that’s all… any chances for me to get free ticket??? Hmmmm…but me??i have to stand on my own feet to fulfill my dreams. Perhaps, I am being too independent with myself! I need to save money if I want to go for travelling…. Sometimes, when I saw people with their marvelous and adventurous pictures to other places like London, Germany and whatsoever countries in the world, it makes me questioned myself…when will be my turn? Will I have the chances?? How lucky there are…is there any luck for me??? Will I be able to fulfill my dream? I wish oneday, I can travel around the world. Perhaps, not today but someday ( uh uh….tears..)..my dream places…( manila, Bali, Korea, Vietnam, London, Rome, Paris)..well..that;s all at this moment….the rest…wait till I feel like I want to go to the other countries that aren’t mentioned. …forget to mention…I am currently trying to fulfill my desire with climbing the 3rd largest mountain which is Mount. Kinabalu…. ( if I’m not mistaken…please correct my blunders)…currently…in the process of dealing with the person in charged ..Hopefully the booking processes successfully confirm!! ( fingers crossed) if this come true…meaning to say … I had lesser the countless dreams I have…:0

From the first until the last words of dissatisfactions, quizzical, clueless questions…it really shows how self-oriented I am and worldly I am with the human desires….hmm….( how bad I am….)…..but still, I know that all these coming from God…at least I know he loves me.. perhaps, not every dreams and desires are easily to be grab just in a glance…but yet, he gives me time to know myself well, to be patience and to keep on believing on my every desire although I am not perfect..but I am perfect in God’s eyes…

Talk about all this Goddess.. Scares me of the world’s today…is it 2012 will be the end of the world??? Uh uh….banyak lagi impian belum tercapai ni..uh uh…

tinggi tinggi gunung kinabalu

i am planning to hike the mount kinabalu next year..march 2012....i'm on my way...i should make this dream comes true.....soooneeerrrr...!!!!....

~in the process of making it happens!~